February 2012
14 posts
nick drake soothes my soul →
may they hang ;)
tonight
I published all the drafts I’ve written here in my tumblr blog when I couldn’t reach a pen and paper, when I typed out my feelings but was too scared/frightened/embarrassed/ to be heard or judged.
They are all out now, I let them go.
Judge if you must, I feel encouraged to let it all out, be what I am, give the room and significance to let it out and let go.
Goodnight to...
Sunshine
naked baby butt
broken A/C
markers
fruit snacks
scilence
growing imagination
time passing slowly
even when I prepare, it never fails
i
get
hurt
and just when i thought things were on a solid, (well paved, with attention to detail, pretty, happy, sparkly, jesus thank you, I knew things would get better!) track- an illness that seemed as though it was being controlled…..was i a fool to believe the show that was acted out in front of my eyes?
I blossom in his love, it’s obvious. I shine with his smiles, it’s...
i painted my nails
waiting on him
i took a bath and shaved
waiting on him
i dont know if my hormones or i picked up a virus or if my depression made me sick
waiting on him
i bought a new bra and panties and spent $30
waiting on him
he helped me today
while not sober
he looked me in the eye today
while not sober
he kissed me for the first time in two weeks today
while not sober
he...
6 tags
releasing after a storm
(I wrote this during the crazy tornado season after hearing that my Aunt and Uncle’s house was demolished and leveled; I suppose this was my way at the time to release the anxiety. A lot of it doesn’t make sense. I had forgotten about it until today……) Experiencing one’s self with nature and hearing her story like being told through a Nanny reading a bedtime story. Which...
my nightmare is wining
There was a house that love built- the frame I lived in, in which I tried so hard to improve our destiny.
A family I dreamed up, with the happy dog and all. one which is dissolving and has no chance of being saved anymore.
The dream has faded, the gut of hope is being disintegrated by the reality of what is real.
promise of new life that life breathed into fresh taught veins by my dream and...
writting is easy because it involves no...
one constant i seem to be good at maintaining
a natural balance that is naturally constant:
as much as I seek the sun that brightens my outlook, warms my skin and recharges my batteries;
the shadows lull me into a silence that’s necessary.
An outside break from an obvious outlook that I can’t seem to maintain on my own.
I feel the friendly reminder of the circles outside from my...
the most simple
thoughtless
routine
things
fail
at the most unconventional times,
-while utterly and perfectly poignant.
Immaculate in their stance
as they engineer the untaught.
note to self
typing is not the same as a pen to paper.
Here's to Divine Order
When a strong dose of many different chaotic hard times all beat down at once, it eliminates all bullshit and rapidly forces me to start over.
Being wiped out in all ways- and now after being emptied, raw possibilities seem to be birthed. Doubts and fears though still present are fading; I feel tiny bits of natural positivity gaining strength again which presents new life for a new potential...
My cry to Wake Us UP!
I’ve been a reading/researching -machine- again. Tired of all the diagnoses and new med suggestions, hardly any patience left and worried what will come out out of my mouth when I hear “let’s try this new medication out, maybe this one will help” from the harsh fear and experience that I’ve gained in the past 11 years. How can the multitude of new meds that arrive on...