i painted my nails

waiting on him

i took a bath and shaved

waiting on him

i dont know if my hormones or i picked up a virus or if my depression made me sick

waiting on him

i bought a new bra and panties and spent $30

waiting on him

he helped me today

while not sober

he looked me in the eye today

while not sober

he kissed me for the first time in two weeks today

while not sober

he asked me (finally) what was wrong today

while not sober

am i doing these things for myslef like I’d like to believe? cause at the end of the day, it sure seems that no matter how detached I may think i’m trying to be from him, all my actions seems to scream for his attention which he’s not seeing and why the hell am i feeling let down?? point= this is why the detachment is suppose to be happening. Stop letting myself get hurt. it’s obvious  that this is what’s is real. it does not matter what I say, what I do, that I scream about, what I pout about or if i don’t do sh,it at all. He does what he wants to do and I do what I feel like I need to do. it is what it is